Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Eve!

Today is the first day that I've really felt the Christmas spirit! It's rainy here on Long Island, and cold as hell, but I'm still into that White Christmas feel! I wish I could just sit and relax all day, but I have some clients to see this morning and then some shopping to finish up on-that's right, I left it 'till the end! Kristen was killing me about this last night (she's super organized and very on the ball with things like this and I am anything but that). I know she's right, but I just can never seem to get everything I need done in a timely fashion! She's rubbed off quite a bit on me, and I'm better than I used to be, but it's still like pulling teeth for me to get everything done on time. I need 28 hour days! Then I can get work, training, and everything else done on time.

Trianing wise I'm only doing a nice easy hour run on the trials today. It should be fun as I'm going to again wear the Vibrams (the insulated Flow for today's mud and ice). I really can't get enough of these things. I've gone full bore into them, pretty much ignoring the warnings to slowly adapt to them. I've been wearing them pretty consistantly to work and around town (wore them to the mall yesterday and got some interesting looks!), and my feet really don't have any pain or discomfort. That says a lot because yesterday's mall outing was all on concrete and hard floors. Most times, I would find myself running across the parking lot because it was so cold outside! I probably got in at least an extra mile or two doing that alone!

So that's about all for today. Just little odds and ends to pick up on. I'm excited for tomorrow (especially to sleep in!), but at the same time bummed I'm not going to be able to swim. Apparently the people at the gym don't think people like to work out on holidays...what about our Jewish and non Christian friends? :) Anyway, have a Merry Christmas Eve!

Push 'till ya puke...Always (just not on Christmas because the gym is closed:) )

Monday, December 22, 2008

Rest day

Ah, I love this day. Super busy with work and holiday stuff, but it's very nice not to have to train for a day.
Recently my swim training has taken priority. I'm in the beginnings of a swim focus-which I desperately need-and it can't be going better. It's not the work that I mind, I love the work, it's the damned boredom I can't deal with. I absolutely love the solitude of training, but I just can't deal with only hearing the water pass through my ears and staring at a black line for all that long. During long sets, I've tried to do math in my head. However, I quickly loose my head because, oh yeah, I suck at math!!! So then I think about my form, realize that it can do better, but that only lasts for so long. So then I get to thinking about the day and what I have to do, get stressed, and stop thinking about it. I'm at a loss. What do you do to get rid of the boredom? I may try to get a swimp3 player, but I really don't want to spend the money, especially around this time of year. I really don't have the luxury of swimming in a master's program (the only one's I know of around here start at 6 am and I begin work at 4:30am. So what do I do about this boredom? If anyone reading this has any suggestions, please feel free to comment.

So that's about it for now. I'm just trying to get my training in between work and holiday stuff. Oh, and I've discovered that mountain biking in the snow with me new 29'er is this sh*t! I crashed a few times, but there's nothing like getting out in the rain and snow in the 20 degree weather we've had around here this week! Much more fun than riding indoors on rollers. While most people around here hate the bad weather, I looooove it! I really believe it makes me tougher than my competitors. I'm the guy out there in the rain, sleet and snow, running and biking with people yelling at me that I'm nuts. Gotta love it!!!! Between that and running ten miles "barefoot" in the snow on Friday in my Vibrams, I believe I'm becoming somewhat of a badass! Hahahaha, gotta love it!

Push 'till ya puke...Always!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Shoes Suck!!!!! And I'm not kidding!

Ok, so for some time now, I've been experimenting with more and more minimal footwear while running. I, like many runners out there, began my running journey with the pricey, pretty, and un-freakin-fuctional, cushy trainers you see in every running shop from here to Zimbabwe-ok, maybe not there, but you get my point. Anyway, this led me to knee pain, hip flexor problems, plantar facitis(sp?), and a host of other stupid injuries. I always thought it was something I was doing wrong in training. 'Maybe I'm not giving myself enough time to adapt?' 'Maybe I'm running too much on pavement?' 'Maybe I'm too heavy and I need to loose weight?' All these thoughts and more plagued my mind as I kept getting injured.

Then it was on to form. I always thought I had a good, natural running form, but left with nowhere else to go, I researched chi and pose running, buying books and videos regarding the techniques. I did drills, videotape, and so forth, not finding all that much wrong with what I was doing naturally.

So finally it was on to the footwear itself. After reading some good blogs from Chuckie
V. and Matt Fitzgerald, I decided to go the racing flat route...what else did I have to loose right? So I broke out the flats and started to train normally again. Things went great. Not every issue was gone, but it was definately better. In addition to the flats, I began to run more on trails as well. About 90 percent of the time, things were fine. No issues. But, like always, there was that nagging little injury or two that kept creeping up.

So that brings me up to today. As I've now started in on my base training for next season (having a coach is a wonderful thing!), I wanted to take it one step further. So I bought, what I thought was the most minimal shoe I could find-the Nike Free 3.0. Ok, so I used them and things were good. Once again, not great, but good. Then, I stumbled onto All I can say is wow. This has forever changed my running life! As I read more and more of the site, I saw the Vibram Five Fingers shoes. Now, to say they are shoes is probably saying too much. I'd say at best they're more like gloves for your feet, providing just enough protection to run and walk off-road and on road. So I bought a pair.

The Vibram's came the other night and I have literally worn nothing else since I got the box in the mail. They are truly an amazing product, and definately the closest thing to a barefoot feeling you can have. Imagine this: They make the Nike Free 3.0 feel like a hiking boot.

Ok, Ok, so where am I going with this....Today I took them out for their first run. What an eye-opener! I never, ever, ever dreamed of running barefoot ( and for that matter thought people that did so were nuts) but I loved it! I believe that the gradual changeover from trainers to racing flats gave me a good base to work from, making the transition to 'barefooting' that much easier. I had an hour run scheduled, and figured I'd where the Vibram's for half of that, then switch over to my Free's. At about 40 minutes, almost as planned, I ran back to the trail head, took the Free's out of my car, slipped them on and cruised off. NO FREKIN' WAY! I thought. I made it about a half mile in the Free's before I turned around, slipped back into the Vibram's and finished the last few miles of the run.

Today was just an amazing expierience. I'm so excited about this new discovery! Truly FREE running, and I feel great! My heart rate was lower during the run, and I even managed to run a bit farther today in the same time as I did on my last run with the Nike Free's on. I have no pain, feel fresher, and am more psyched about running than I've been in a long time. I'm definately all about the barfoot running now!

But where does this leave me? I'll continue to run in the Vibrams for my trail runs, and maybe for a little bit on the pavement if the urge strikes me. All told though, I'm going to go easy with this new discovery. Today was about 8 miles on trials, not a marathon on pavement. The process will be slow and careful because the last thing I want to do is get injured. But I do have to say that a new chapter has been opened in my running life, and I'm very excited to see where it leads!

Push 'till ya puke...Always!!!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Another day, another dollar...out the window!

Another sweet day today. I worked hard in the morning and had a good workout in the pool in the afternoon. The thing I love about swimming is the non-impact aspect of it. I can work harder and harder, but without the beating I take from the run. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE running, but swimming has a calming effect on me. I think cycling does as well, but the weather has been so crappy here I haven't had a chance to get out on the road in the last couple weeks. My coach has me doing shorter rides anyway (2-3 hours at the longest, real low intensity) two days a week, so that's not much cycling.

So, anyway, about getting outside to ride...I picked up the above pictured bike today. I realized that I'm not an indoor trainer/rollers guy. I can do it in a pinch, but the truth is I need to be outside. One of the forgotten aspects of triathlon is the fact that you get to spend so much time in the beautiful outdoors! I never realized it, but I absolutely love nature and the elements. When it rains, snows, etc., I can't help but want to get out for a run. Now, with my new bike, I can really get out in the weather. I'm looking forward to some cold and muddy rides.

So after my sweet swim today (all 30 mins of it), I hoped on the treadmill for a mile run. Basically I wanted to just move my legs a bit (in my new Nike Free 3.0's-more on that in a minute). Mission accomplished. Post run I hopped in the sauna for five minutes before I started to hear voices and see pretty colors...Time to get out! So I took an ice cold shower and peaced out.

Ok, so the Nike Free's...

I've been looking, no, searching for a minimalistic shoe to wear for everyday training. I've encountered some problems wearing the basic "training" shoe, and have done some research on shoes. To make a lot of research short, training flats and minimalistic shoes are the way to go-period. Packed dirt and grass seem to be the best surfaces (along with synthetic tracks). 'Nuff said. So after buying some pretty tiny little flats-and enjoying them-I came across the Nike Free 3.0 on Matt Fitzgerald's blog. From what I can gather he trains in them everyday. I like that, and I respect his opinion so I ordered a pair. Couldn't be more happy. They are so minimal they make your feet (pardon the pun) free of the obstruction they often face with overdeveloped shoes. However, at the same time, they provide enough cushion to protect your feet from the ground. I'm looking to mostly use them on the trails and golf courses I run, but I'm sure a couple road runs will be okay as well.

So that's about it for today. I'm just about to retire for the night with Lucki Dog-haha, I said RETIRE. I'm going to try to blog on a more daily basis as it really is a great form of therapy for me. Even though I'm sure all this blabber doesn't make much sense and isn't too cohesive, it helps me get the crap out of my head. So if you're reading, thank you for the interest and I hope this is a decent look into my life.

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear eats you

Today was a rough one, training-wise I mean. Simple day on the schedule, 45 minute swim with drills. Easy right? NOPE! Someone forgot to tell the rest of my body to show up at the pool. After a series of the some of the best swims I've had in my life, I all but forgot how to swim today! Now there are two things that could've gone wrong today: 1) I could just be getting so much better at swimming that today's mediocre workout seemed, by comparison much worse than it actually was, or 2) I was dead tired from not sleeping AGAIN the night before, and my workout suffered because of it. To be honest, the answer is a combination of both numbers 1 and 2.

Recently I've been more motivated than ever to train. This is in large part due to the fact that I now, for the first time, have a structured workout plan put forward by my coach, John. This has helped me tremendously. I don't have to think about what I'll be doing on any particular day-I just get out and go. This has proved invaluable as I often have a tendancy to overdo one sport and burn out on it. Remember, triathlon is ONE sport involving three sports. It's sort of like Subject A, with subtitles a, b, and c. Nevertheless, the schedule I'm on makes it such that I'm pumped each and every day to train!

Okay, so back to the 1 and 2 thing. So I've become a better swimmer and my off days (that used to be my best days) now suck and I'm pissed. Secondly, sleep is not a friend of mine right now. Even as I write this, in the bathroom no less (I'll leave the particulars to your imagination) I should be getting in bed and nodding off to dreamland. For some reason though, I have suffered from some minor insomnia lately. I don't know, maybe it's the coming holidays, maybe it's work, but whatever it is, it seriously needs to stop before I go nuts. Maybe I'll cut down on the coffee. Note I said CUT DOWN and not cut OUT. Coffee is much too important to me right now to just go and abandon her. We have a very SERIOUS and COMMITTED relationship. :)

So anyway, that was today. I got my ass kicked (or better yet-kicked my own ass) in the pool. Let's hope that my next swim on Thursday is better. Tomorrow is an easy hour-long run and on my worst days I can put one foot in front of the other so this should be no problem. Plus I'll have Lucki dog out there for some added support. Anyway, rock on, kick ass, get out and go, and all that jazz. I'm gonna take some Melatonin and hopefully drift off.

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Tired again...

Tired again. Holidays really zap the life out of me. I'm not sure why, but for some reason, it's not necessarily the food that kills me, it's all the damned alcohol. I know I shouldn't say it, but I really love to drink. I'm no alcoholic-at least I hope not:)- but I think it's the social aspect of drinking I like. It's jut so much freakin' fun! No wonder I like to dance when I drink!

So being tired, not to mention hung over, I wasn't able to train Sunday. Only missed an easy 2-3 hour ride, but nonetheless missed it. Pissed me off to no end. I hate missing workouts period, but missing them because I couldn't control myself the night before is unacceptable. This is definately the last time that will happen.

So I took my rest day today to do the ride I missed yesterday. Easy and fun, minus the crazy wind that almost blew me off the road. It's funny how slow you travel when you have to cap your heartrate to a certain low number. Rides that would normally take me an hour to complete now take and hour and fifteen to twenty minutes to complete-totally throws off my natural bike computor range. Anyway...

That's about it for today. Good day at work, good day training. And now I get to go see the best girl in the world when she's done with class! Not a bad life! If I can just stick to my 'Simplicity Plan' I should be all good!

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

So yeah, it's Thanksgiving. Finally a day for me to rest and relax all by myself with nothing to do, and no place I NEED to be. Notice I said NEED. I did manage to swim this morning (albeit hung over really bad from drinking more than my fair share of wine last night). Other than that, the only plan for today is to chillax, read a bit, spend some time with Lucki Dog, and hopefully see Kristen later.

It's nice to take a rest and spend some time alone. Being an only child, I really value this time to myself. I often squander a lot of time, but this is a stress-free squandering zone. And speaking of squandering, what's up with the Lions game on T.V. today? Sorry if there are any Lions fans out in internet land, but this game sucks! It's not even halftime and the Tennesee has run up the score on these bums. What a waste of a good 'ratings day' game.

Anyway, I'm a bit scatterbrained as I write this, I'm still miserably hung over, and trying to recover for a swim workout today. Ah, that brings me to a point I wanted to make. Since starting in triathlon, it's been evident since day one that I'm not a good swimmer-or let me correct that, I WASN'T a good swimmer. Now though, through some good self-coaching (meaning reading and watching every bit of material out there on swimming-btw is awesome for swim instruction vids, and free too!), I'm proud to call myself a swimmer! Don't get me wrong, I'm no Michael Phelps, but I can definately hold my own at the local gym pool. I've literally gone from being one of the 'wet dog' swimmers in the pool, to a guy who looks like he's suppossed to be there. Very exciting! And it justifies my sweet little speedo! Don't ask me why I like to wear one when I swim, but for some reason it's just a lot more comfortable...also, it's not bad getting hit on by the older women checkin' me out! Hahaha, yeah right, they're probably laughing at me on the inside! Ok, so anyway, I really feel like I'm making some drastic improvements. Once I get a chance to meet with my coach and get some real coaching, I may actually be a fast tri swimmer! Good stuff!

Let's see, what else. Training is going very good right now. I'm still very motivated and can feel my improvement everyday. Having a coach and a scheduled program has really made a big difference. Taking away the stress of what to do everyday, and whether or not what I'm doing is correct, is well worth the money. This coming season should be a good one. I'm gonna be dangerous out there.

What else.....Not really much I can think of right now. Oh, I know. I met Kristen's cousins Mark and Allison for the first time last night. They have overcome a tremendous amount of obstacles in their lives, having been involved in a serious car crash about two years ago. They are truly some of the nicest and warmest people I've ever had the pleasure to meet. After hearing their story, I feel inspired to live every day to it's fullest. I know people say that so much, and it's become a terrible cliche, but these folks are truly amazing. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to meet them!

So that's about it for now. I've got a couple of hours left of daylight to enjoy-not to mention a good book to sit down and read. Have a happy Thanksgiving and remember to be thankful and live life to it's fullest each day!

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Had to post this...I love Stella!!!

I feel like a fat, lazy, slob.....

Today was an extremely slow day. Training wise it's an off day (which like most ocd triathletes I hate!), so I knew I was gonna have some extra time on my hands. However, when I had about 50 calls from clients cancelling their appointments, it got really muddy-slow! In fairness to them however, they all had valid excuses, and I realize that we're getting into the time of year where people are thinking about other things than working out.

Typically, the holiday season is super slow in the world of personal training. I've contemplated taking the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas completely off, but I just don't have the balls to do it. Not only that, but there are some die-hards out there that want to work hard throughout the winter. As my clients will tell you, who am I to get in the way of their suffering ;).

So today....

I had my usual 415 am wake up, followed by my super, duper, strong coffee. Take the dog out. Hurry to get 10 things done in the time it should take 2, and then head out the door, surely forgetting something. Well today I had all of that, and 3 cancellations before 10am. Not my worst day, but definately not my best.

So after my now half day, I headed home to take a nap, hang out with Lucki Doggy, and get some work done. Well, there was the problem. I can't have unscheduled time in my just doesn't work for me. I'm the King of Time Wasting. I really don't know what it is, if I don't follow a plan for the day, I just sit and stare at the walls-LITERALLY! What the hell? I guess I'm just such a profound thinker I ponder and plot all day long without something to fill the hours. Either that or I've developed adult ADD and can't focus on any one thing for too long. Either way, it sucks to have time with nothing to do.

So this all brings me to now. I'm sitting here posting this, having done what feels like NOTHING all day, and I can't stand it! Wait....before I get all bent out of shape even more, let me step back into reality for a moment. I did have a very productive day by most standards. I worked from 5 am to noon, hopefully made people smile and feel good about themselves, took care of some business stuff, took a nice healthy nap, and cleared my head. Kinda feels good. But then there's that nagging overachiever in me (that comes out for nothing but what I want to do by the way) that makes me feel like I've been a failure all day. Wow, such a vicious cycle.

On a better note, I taught myself to ride my bike on rollers today! I ordered them about a week ago and nearly cracked my head on my coffee table the first time I had them out of the box. I had no idea how hard they'd be to ride. With a little perserverence though, I was able to get up and riding today in no time. I didn't do a workout on them, but talk about fun! Unlike a starionary trainer, the rollers force you to generate your own balance. A little tricky at first, but it really makes you such a better rider! I can't wait to do some workouts on these babies! Good stuff!

So that was today in a bit more than a nutshell. Not sure if any of what I wrote is coherent, but that's just about all I did today! Looking back, I guess it wasn't so bad. Simplicity, as I'm learning, is one of the greatest things in life.

The cup of coffee I just had is kickin' in, so I'll go on one more tiny rant. Simplicity is a wonderfully underrated thing. I've learned a lot about myself in this past year (thanks in enourmous part by Kristen-I love you sooooo much honey). I've never had simplicity in my life. I've always cluttered my life, both figuratively and literally with junk that's just got in the way of making things easy for me. So often I've wanted more more more. It just never ended. It was to the point that I couldn't just sit back and enjoy the things I was blessed enough to have. Now though, I'm learning to enjoy what's in front of me like never before. It's really liberating to feel so free. I'm a long way off from perfecting the simple life, but I'm on my way.

Ok. 'Nuff said.

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Slowtwitch...and David Goggins type motivation (almost)

I haven't had much to write about lately. Just the normal fodder going on in my life. I think I've actually gotten a bit testy since not writing. This seems to be a great therapy for me, which I think subconsciously was the reason I started this blog in the first place. I really love the opportunity to share my thoughts, if with no one but myself. It provides me with a forum I would otherwise only have in my head. That said, it's nice to go back and read things I wrote, and understand a little bit more about myself through the feelings I may have had when I did.

So this brings me to today. It's about 8:30 in the morning, and I'm waiting at the gym for a client to show. So, like all other Americans with access to a computor at work, I start wasting time surfing the web. In my web travels, as I often do, I came upon I really love this site. I'd guess that on average, 25% of my web time is spent there. The articles, interview, and general info are great. Recently, though, I've started to get hooked on the forums. I haven't posted or responded there yet, but I have some kind of addiction when it comes to reading them. So, over the course of the last couple weeks, I've come to the conclusion that 99% of the crap posted there is complete B.S. The content is purely reflexive of what is dangerous about triathlon. It comes down to a bunch of people talking more about the things that don't matter vs. what does matter. Example: There was a debate I was reading about the Pose method of running and whether or not it was a good idea. From the posts I read, people were getting completely bent out of shape. Some were saying it's good, others said it was bad and so fourth-but the thing that got me was that people were personally attacking each other and the method's founder...What the hell? Who the heck cares if it's good or not? If it works for you, than use it! If not, then don't. This example is just the tip of the ice berg there. It seems every discussion boils down to personal attacks and other critical views about a sport that should bring us all fun and enjoyment. The fact is, most of us are not getting paid for this 'hobby'. Therefore, it should be a positive part of our lives. I'm worried that forums like these bring such a negative connotation to a sport I love. Now, with that said, I completely intend to continue reading the forums....what can I say, they're addicting :).

On to better things....

Today (yesterday actually-I started writing this post yesterday morning and am now finishing it 24 hrs later), I had a 2 hour ride to complete as part of my training schedule. For some reason or another, I had no motivation. I mean, come on, it's a measly little 2 hour ride, done at such a low intensity it's almost laughable. But did I want to get my fat ass out on the bike? Nope! Then I remembered an article I had read about Navy Seal and Ultra Running Psycho (said with the utmost affection) David Goggins. For those who don't know, Mr. Goggins is an absolute animal when it comes to endurance. He's run Badwater, Western States, come in 2nd at the Ultraman Tri, and a million other ultra distance events. He's so badass that he finished his first 100 miler while going into kidney failure and with broken feet-I'm never complaining about blisters again! So the man's done all this, admitting oddly, that he HATES running!!!! That's right, HATES running! How the hell does he do it then? He explains that in order to see what he's really made of, he gets out there and does what he does. Not to mention the fact that he raises money for deceased soldiors families. Either way, both are more than noble causes. I remembered this man and what he does, I felt more than a sense of shame as I came up with reasons in my head why I should not do the ride I had on my schedule. I mean, really!? What's wrong with me that I can't suffer in the cold for 2 little, tiny hours? With this on my mind, I got on the damn bike, and proceeded, at least in a small way, to find out what I was made of. Doing what you don't want to, even when it's something you like, in many ways tells you more about who you are than many other things. Even though the hardest part was getting out the door, I realized that I CAN do it, and that I SHOULD do it. If getting out the door is the hardest thing you do all day, you're one lucky S.O.B.

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Runnin' down a mystery...

Been doing a lot of work lately. I just seems there's not enough time in the day to work, sleep, train, see Kristen, pay bills, run errands, clean, and do all the other stuff that we cram our lives with on a daily basis. I'm going nuts, but in a good way. I'm still suprised each and every day that I go to work that my business has remained so fruitful over the past few months. I would have sworn that with the economy being the way it is, people would batten down the hatches, fire me, and go about their business. Hopefully, my clients can see that I really have a passion for what I do. If this comes through, than I'm sure that this is the reason why I've been able to not only retain the people I work with, but pick up new clients quite frequently. I really have a special job and I've decided to truly make the most of it. I always thought I had to be great at what everyone else is, but I've discovered that if I can be the best at something I'm good at and have a passion for, I'll be more fulfilled than I could ever hope to be chasing empty dreams.

So on the training front, things have been super consistant. I'm working with a coach now and that has made one hell of a difference. In choosing a coach, I wanted someone that understood not only my passion for triathlon, but was someone that had worked hard and achieved success while doing other 'life' things as well (such as go to school and have a 'real' job). Also, I wanted someone that was easy to get in touch with, and close in location to where I am. So.....drumroll.....I hired pro triathlete John Hirsch to coach yours truly. We've talked many times through email and once on the phone, and I feel more than confident I've made a good choice.

So that's it for now. I'm super psyched with my job and working hard in training. I really think that many good things are going to come out of the hard work I'm putting in now, both in work and in triathlon. Hard work is the key to all of this and I can't forget that. Well hard work and consistency. That's where it's at!

On a side note: Kristen just left and I'm secretly watching Sex and the City! I don't quite know how this happened (sure I do but I'm not telling), but I just watched my first full episode and it's really not that bad! I mean, what show is really gonna be all that bad with a bunch of hot broads living in Manhatten and talking about sex all the time!? And with that, I've discovered that women talk about sex waaaaaay more than guys do. WAAAAAAAY more! Interesting right? I can go on a six hour bike ride with a bunch of guys and sex talk may never come up...put a couple girls together for 20 minutes and they know all about each other's relationships and everything else. Now I'm generalizing a bit here, but I'm honestly not that far off. I love these little differences between the sexes...very comical!


Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I got demons.

But then again, who the hell doesn't. There are many things I wish I'd done in my life so far. Many decisions I'd like to have back...yadda yadda. Sometimes I get really down because of this. Sometimes I get those voices of regret in the back of my head telling me that if I'd only done this, or said that, or changed something, I wouldn't be in the position I'm in now.

I never imagined myself being where I am at this point in my life. When I was 17, I imagined that in ten years time, I would have been married and most likely looking forward to my first child. Wow, couldn't have been more off! Neither of the two have yet to materialize, and that's probably a good thing.

I've learned a lot in my 27 years on this planet. Some good, and a lot bad. But more importantly, I've learned them all. Sure there are a lot of things I'd take back and change if I could. Those are my demons. I guess those are the things I really need to work out in my head. I'm the only one that hears them right?

I find that most often I get into these ruts on the end of having done something great. At this point, I'm guessing I'm in a bit of a personal rut because work and training are going great. I'm busier than I've ever been with work, and my client list continues to grow. Training is going great as well. I'm focused and motivated like never before. Having set out specific goals and going about completing them has really given me a valuable lesson that can cross over to other areas of my life.

So why are my demons getting in my way now? I don't know. I guess it comes with success. I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to competition. I'm constantly comparing myself to others around me. In this case, it's the friends I have that are doing better than I am. I have friends that are professional athletes, stock brokers (don't want to be that right now:)), and lawyers. I have friends that own a home, have a wife, and are putting money towards retirement. All this by 30. Wow, what the hell happened to me?

I guess when you take things into perspective, I'm not doing bad. I have a girlfriend who I'm madly in love with, I love my work, I love my training, and I'm most importantly blessed to have a family that puts up with all my bullshit, no questions asked. So again, why the demons? Because I'm cursed with competitiveness. I'm determined never to be complacent. I guess this is a good thing, but where is it gonna end? A football coach once told me to never be content with anything-and I've tried to live that way since. But my question now is, where does it end? And does it end? Am I going to go to the grave yearning for more out of life? I don't know.

There are many things I've learned so far, and even more that I haven't. As I search for the answers, the one thing I do know is that I'm always going to strive to be the best, not MY best, but THE best. Will I always get there? Probably not. Am I going to have more failures in life than victories? Probably. But I don't know, I just can't help it. I'm not going to let my demons get me down. I can't say that they won't always be there, but my hope is that I can beat them down into the basement and tie them up. Control is the key here, and I'm workin' on it.

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

President Elect Barack Obama

What an historic election. I can't say enough about how much it means to me, being a mixed raced American, to have someone that looks like me in office. While I certainly agree on the policies of President Elect Obama, as well as the direction he wants to take this country, I can't help but feel a tinge of pride as he gave his acceptance speech last night. It was amazing to see an African American Family take the stage as America's next first family. Tears came to my eyes as I read an interesting sign shown on the news. It read:

Rosa sat,

So Martin could stand,

And Barack Obama could lead.

I'm crying as I write this. Not because of the change it will bring. Not because of the story of one man. I'm crying because of the story of so many that endured so much. So many men and women that gave their lives, both literally and figuratively so that we can live in a country where EVERYONE is EQUAL. Less than a century ago this wasn't true. LESS THAN A CENTURY! Now we can say that we are all on equal footing. It happened, and whether you believe it or not, the world will be better for it. I've never been more proud to call myself an American. May God Bless America!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Got a new toy...

So today I bought a those out of the know (as I was 12 hours ago), that's a fixed gear bike. Now, I absolutely LOVE bikes. Since starting to race triathlons, I've found a true love for just getting out and riding. Looking back, it makes plenty of sense. Since I learned how to ride a two wheeler, I rode everywhere. There was literally not a time I can remember before I got my driver's license, that I was not going somewhere on my bike.

Growing up in the 80's and 90's, I was mostly subjected to skateboarding as a form of rebellion. This was way before Tony Hawk was a household name, and the X games were not even a passing thought. There was a real rebelious feel to riding a skateboard, and I definately embraced it. However, I still loved bikes.

I remeber all the bikes I've ever owned. I had an intimate relationship with each one I've ever had. From my first, white Mongoose BMX bike I got for Christmas, to the stealthy black department store mountain bike I begged my Dad to buy me. Through the years, I've always had a bike, even if I didn't ride.

So today, with my tricked out, carbon, aluminum, and spaced aged whatever triathlon and road bikes, I decided it was time to go old school. I found a Steel Fixed Gear bike on ebay (for a fraction of the price I've spent on my recent bikes), bid on it, and won. I'm so excited!

Thinking about this, I can't help but think of the beauty that comes with the simplicity of the new fixie. No gears, no brakes, nothing but steal and rubber. I can't wait to feel the road on this machine.

But don't get me wrong. I still LOOOOOVE my racing bikes. There's really nothing like speeding down a hill at 50 mph's, knowing you can still stop on a dime if you have to. Also, nothing sounds as delightful as the cranking of your chain as you make an impossibly steep climb. I love those things and will definately enjoythem for years to come.

What I'm getting at here is the romance of bicycling. There's something primitive about it...not quite so much as running the trails, but certainly moreso than turning the key to start the Ford in my driveway. There's a connection with the world, the road, and yourself that you get from cycling. It's something I can't quite describe, but at the same time don't ever want to. I want to ride because I like to. I want to ride not because I have to ride a certain time or milage, but because it soothes me. I really love this stuff and can't wait to get on that thing. I'll keep you posted.

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Endurance events...Is it ok just to finish, or does everyone have to race?

After watching the New York City Marathon yesterday, I questioned the intentions of the 38,000 plus runners that took place. Sure, for many of them it was a race in every fashion of the word. They, like so many of us, had done the training-long runs, tempo runs, speed work, etc.-just to get ready to set a PR. Others, though, had decided that simply by finishing, they were winners. Now while I'm not disagreeing with either motivation, I do think it's important to quantify exactly what deserves to be called a race and what doesn't. I'm super confused myself on this issue, so I hope this makes some sense.

I believe that most of the confusion that not only myself, but that others have concerning the issue of whether or not someone is a success just for completing a marathon comes from the fact that in some areas of our lives we are intensely competitive. We all strive, in life, work, play, or whatever, to be the best. Will many of us realize the ultimate goal of actually being the best? Probably not. However, that's no reason to stop doing what we do.

I think that we all get into sports for some reason or another, but end up leaving with the same lesson learned. In the end, it's not about being the best, it's about performing to the best of your abilities. If you just happened to have the talent, determination, and discipline to become the best at your given sport, that's great. But, I truly believe that we all participate to make ourselves better, and maybe, just maybe, have that bright, shining day were we stand alone as the best. Wishful thinking I guess.

Ok, so back to the subject. I think that I get most upset when people, who have no idea what it is to run a marathon, much less run it in a specific time, lump me in with people like Oprah and P. Diddy (or whatever the hell he's calling himself these days). It angers me because these people, although insanely successful, will never come close to running the times that I have for a marathon. That's not to be cocky or egotistical (trust me, I have NO reason to be those with my modest times), but I would still like to be recognized for my accomplishment.

Ok, so here comes the problem with that: Who am I to belittle THEIR accomplishment?! Why SHOULD I be pissed that people lump me in with them? After all, we did complete the same distance-only I was drinking a beer and had eaten lunch by the time they finished.

Maybe it comes down to jealously, pride, or just being a baby. The major issue here is that I, and others like me, really just need to get over it. The truth is that the marathon, as well as other endurance events, are hard. Sure there are more people doing these things than ever before, but isn't that the point? At some point, we're all looking to push the limits of what the human body is capable of. Endurance sports, by their very nature, push us to the brink of quitting. They let us know just what we're made of. That's why I love running, biking and swimming.

Every day, no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I can push it. I can get out there and see exactly what I'm made of. Sometimes it takes 100 miles to do that...Sometimes it just takes getting dressed and out the door. What I'm saying is that the rush of endorphins I get every time I get out there is more than just a chemical reaction in my brain. It's life. It's the stuff that flows through my veins. That feeling, and the knowledge that comes with getting out of yourself what you didn't think was possible, keeps me going. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. It lets me know I'm alive! It's a notch on my belt that no one can take away from me. Sure I like bragging about what I've done, but I've deserved it. I'm not a blowhard, but at some level, I love seeing the look on people's face when they ask me what I did this weekend.

So to get back to my original intention for this passage, I'll answer the question of whether or not it's ok to run a marathon just to finish it...Damn straight it is! At no point can we take away anyone's accomplishment. If I can do it in 3 hours, and you can do it in 6, I really don't care! You know what, you did it! You worked just as hard (if not harder) at getting done what you set out to do and you should feel amazing about that! I hope that everyone can feel that sense of accomplishment one day, because it is without a doubt, something that changes your life forever!

Keep pushin' till ya puke...Always!!!!!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I don't know....

I'm sitting here Sunday morning, hungover like a mofo, thinking about an argument that Kristen and I had last night-just about ALL night. Unfortunately, things come up, diferences in opinion happen, and people fight. That's a fact of life. Now, we're not a fighting couple. We have healthy disaggreements, but we're not one of those fight-all-night in public couples we've all seen.

Long story short, the fight centered around public vs. private educations. Obviously, being that we both come from different educational backgrounds (her's being public and mine being private), we both have differnt things to bring to the table. From our argument and it's fiercity, I'd say that we are both more than passionate about our beliefs and educational values. The problem arouse, however, when we were not able to see eye to eye on one simple subject. While we agreed almost exclusively on every front, one tiny aspect of the argument left us in argumentary purgatory for the remainder of the otherwise fun night.

So my question is this: When two people, both from different backgrounds, be they educational, cultural, economical or otherwise, fail to interperet each other's arguments for what they are, can they ever come to a cohesive middle ground? I may not be explaining all of the argument we had (mostly for the sake of keeping things totally objective here-I don't want to say that either of us were right or wrong), but I wonder about the bigger issue of people being able to see another's point of view. I'm not sure that people truly open their heads and wrap their minds around issues. My thoughts on this issue, perhaps, are influenced by the coming election. The argument has just made me think.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty upset about the argument we had-not because we disagree, but because we failed to act like the educated people we are. Instead, we allowed emotion to dictate too much of what came out of our mouths. I truly believe that we could come to a middle ground on this, but what we did was create a gap. I'm sure we'll fill it (now that we're both a bit more sober), but why did it take such a long and dramatic argument to do this?

So anyway, I needed to get this out. The beauty of this space is that it provides me an avenue in which to speak my mind and really not care what anyone else thinks. I enjoy comments, and love to hear other's points in counterpoints in response to my rambling. Thanks for contributing to my self-therapy! :)

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Friday, October 24, 2008

October's almost over!

It's amazing but October is almost over! It seems like Summer had just started and now we're stuck deep into fall. All the leaves here in New York have changed, the air has a disctinct chill, and the days continue to get shorter and shorter. With these changes come several other important changes to our lives. We get sleepy quickly-at least I do! We eat more-I'm sure everyone does! And our motivation to exercise slowly flickers out. It's not that we don't want to work out, we just have a difficult time finding the desire as the cold weather tells us to stay inside, bundle up, and enjoy more food!

I'm completely into the theory that our ancient ancestors are at fault for this winter weight gain. They must have put on several pounds as the winter approached, obviously providing them with the extra 'insulation' to endure the lower temps in the cave. What the hell dude?! I mean really? Why ya gotta go eatin' so much! Don't you know I have to keep off my weight for my next tri season! What's with this survival stuff? Didn't cavemen wanna have ripped abs too? Maybe if they would have shaved all their body hair off too they would have been able to not only swim and run faster, but perhaps even set a PR in getting away from those damned Sabertoothed Tigers!

All kidding aside, I'm not looking forward to putting on weight this winter. I usually fluctuate between 180lbs in the summer, to somewhere around 200-205lbs. in the winter. Every year I tell myself it won't happen, but sure as a swiss watch, my belly grows, my abs go, and my fat ass has to work even harder to get in shape come the new year. Well here and now I'm making a commitment to staying as lean and thin as possible in the offseason. If that means training a little extra to keep the pounds off, then so be it. However, I'm not giving up my beer and dessert! No way buddy, no freakin' way! I'll gain 5-10lbs., but no more! I promise!

Ok, so I'm at work now and I should probably devote my time to something better than blogging, so I'll sign off for now. Remember:

Push 'till ya puke...Always!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


My motivation is really at a low right now. I've been resting quite a bit since my last race, and it really makes me feel lazy. My training before American Zofingen was great. Everyday was train, work, train, work, train, see Kristen. I felt very efficient in everything I did and motivation was at a super high. Now, however, I feel like a fat, lazy sloth. I've been riding the bike-about an hour or so a day (with a hundred miler a few days ago), but I still feel useless. My weight is definately up, and I feel like crap.

I know my body needs it, but I feel like a fat piece of lazy crap whenever I take prolonged periods of rest. My entire attitude is effected when I don't get that sweet, daily dose of endorphins running through my veins. I truly LOVE to exercise and push my limits everyday. It's the best drug there is. I can definately understand the need for athletes like Brett Farve and Lance Armstrong to continue competing at an elite level into their late 30's.

There's nothing like being in top physical condition. It makes EVERYTHING easier! Work, dishes, cleaning-anything is easier when your resting heart rate is nice and low and your muscles and central nervous system are at their peak.

I find that during periods such as these, I'm a freakin' coffee junkie! I've been drinking enough coffee and energy drinks to kill a mule and I only feel more and more tired. It's truly a viscious cycle. I get up, I go down. I get up, I go down. I freakin' hate it! I just wanna get out there and push it! I wanna run hard through my favorite trails. I wanna climb some tough hills on my bike for hours. I even wanna swim! Who says that? I can't believe it but I even wanna SWIM!!!!

Ok, enough complaining. I'm gonna take a nap because I'm fat a lazy. Then I'll do some work, go meet with some more clients, eat fatty food, and watch Biggest Loser with Kristen, knowing that I'm only gonna be a few pounds away from being a star on that show!

Push 'till ya puke...Always. (even when your a lard ass like me right now!)

Monday, October 20, 2008

Ok, now I'm pissed

So this morning, I heard through the grape vine that someone said it 'served me right to get hit by a car last week because of where I was riding my bike.' What the hell!? I mean really, what the hell is wrong with people??? Are they really that dumb that they don't realize it doesn't serve ANYONE right to get hit by a car while cycling? I don't care if you're riding on a freakin' highway on the wrong side of the road, getting struck by a car while riding or running is the worst expierience any of us could have. I ask you, douchebag that said that, to hop on a bike (I have an extra because I'm sure you don't own one) and let me drive my car at you. I promise, I won't go anywhere over 20 miles an hour. Let's see if you don't sh*t your pants by the time I get 5 feet from you.

People like this idiot really piss me off. How dare you say something like that. So you're telling me that all the cyclists in all the major cities of the world should cease cycling and be a fat, out of shape, jackass like you? We should all put our bikes and health away, so that you can continue to pollute the environment and hog up the road with your big, unecessarry SUV? Oh, and since you have that big ass 'truck', have you been off roading anytime lately? Have you hauled anything in the recent past? My guess is that if you ever did bring that gas guzzling beast off of the nicely paved roads you usually drive, you'd be horrified at the very thought of any mud or dirt getting on your precious 'truck'. My advice to you would be to stop being such a winey little bitch, get off your fat ass, and get some exercise. Oh, and by the way, I could tell you where to go, but I'm sure you're already headed there.

I'm sorry for the rough tone of this post, but I'm more pissed now, at this moron than I was when I was hit and thought my bike was totalled. Seriously, to say something like that really takes a stupid person. I have no respect for anyone that feels that way. Just think a little before you say that so hard?

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

One Hundred Miles

So today was a hundred mile bike ride. We left in the cool air of daybreak, around 7am, and rode and rode and rode. Talk about some beautiful scenery! I always knew there were some nice parts out on the Eastern end of Long Island, but these were back roads I've never been down.

The day started off pretty cold. I was bundled pretty good, but as I have yet to purchase my 'winter biking wordrobe', I was left without gloves. I'm still a little banged up from the crash last week, so the cuts on my hand were singin' to me for about the first 40 or so miles. After that, though, it was smooth sailin'.

So all in all it was a great ride. I'll explain a bit more of it in a later post, but right now I'm off to take Lucki to get some good 'ole doggy food, and then I'm taking a nap and watching some trashy tv. So until next time...

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


What an interesting time to be alive. There's so much going on right now it's impossible to keep your mind idle for more than 2 milliseconds. I find that these days I'm constantly in a state of deep thought. I try to stick to the easy things, Kristen, training, my clients, trashy tv :), but no matter how hard I try, my thoughts drift back to the economy and the upcoming elections.

The future is never garaunteed, but at times like this it seems like wishful thinking. No one ever knows what going to happen tomorrow, and at this point I'm just hoping tomorrow will come. I've never invested in the market, and I don't know the first thing about it, but we will all be effected by what happens in the coming weeks no matter what. It's scary to think about. Life will be changing quite drastically.

Then there's the election. Both parties seem to have very valid points regarding the various, important issues this country will face. However, the thing that scares me most is the generous amount of bullsh*t that's out there. Even more so, the people that believe it! In my previous post, I wrote about ignorance. It's a dangerous thing. Especially when ignorance is spread-and it usually spreads like wildfire.

Being uneducated is a very dangerous thing. I don't believe that people realize the power they possess with the right to vote. Not to use a terribly overused cliche, but every vote really does count. No matter how insignificant you think you may or may not be, voting is powerful. Don't believe me? Think of this: People in this very country have DIED, literally, for the right to vote. Voting has been so important, that until recently (the last century), not everyone has had the right to vote. Needless to say, it means something.

So what I'm writing about today is the uncertainty facing us as a country and society. I'm scarred because today, as well as yesterday, and the days before, I've heard misinformed people inform others who are now misinformed as well. Agendas here, are being pushed in very scary ways. There no longer is a regard for the greater good, but rather the good for you and your own bunch. It's frightening to think that people think only about themselves and not their fellow countrymen and women. Maybe it's just not having the same life experience as others. Or maybe its not having the same opportunities to learn as others. Maybe it's the media and the ongoing slanted reporting they put out (I'm talking liberal and conservative here-we're all guilty). No matter, things need to change and get better. We need to make the individual sacrifices that will make life better for those around us who are not so fortunate. We need to really educate ourselves on the issues-REALLY educate ourselves, not just hear what we want to, but hear what we don't want to as well. We need to be more objective in what we see and hear. Allow for others to speak their mind. Make a REAL decision on what you feel in your heart-not on what others tell you. And never discount what ANYONE has to say. Take it in, think about it, and then make a decision. When you look at issues from different angels, suddenly they may take a different shape, therefore causing you to make a different decision.

Most importantly, THINK BEFORE YOU REACT! Think about what it is your voting about. Think about the future it will give to the children of this country. Think about those around you and not just yourself. Think, Think, Think. Thinking may not be the entire remedy, but I bet you it's a damn good start.

I could say that I really don't mean for this blog to have any political 'feeling' associated with it, but I wouldn't be telling the truth. The truth is that we really need to be aware of what's happening in this country. We need to change things and regain the respect that we've had before. We've all been given the freedom to think and choose as we see fit. Let's make the most of it in this coming election. Let's rediscover the reason we're all here. Let's bring it back to the "Land of the FREE, and the home of the brave." We can do it, but it's gonna require that we grab the bull by the horns and learn for ourselves, take into account all things, and make EDUCATED decisions. Let's get it done.

Push 'till ya puke...Always. (In everything you do!)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

This world we livin' in...

It's crazy, this world we live in. It seems like I'm reminded of this fact daily. With the currrent state of things-the economic crisis, the coming elections, etc.-I find it increasingly difficult to be truly happy. Stress has become a big part of all our lives as none of us are immune from the things happening. I wish I could say that I wanted to move to a cabin in the woods to escape it all, but somehow I think the stressmonster would find me there too.

A funny thing happens as we move from childhood, to our teenage years, and into adulthood. I've felt, for the most part, that things have progressed quite nicely. More freedom, more responsibility, and new decisions are some of the great rights of passage into being considered an adult. We move through school, on to college or a profession, and then live our lives as we see fit. Fortunately we're given the right in this country to do almost as we want-"Keep your nose clean and you'll be fine in life" a client once told me. For the most part, I think he's right. However, things do happen. Things that are completely out of our control. Things that have no right to happen to us, but they still do and we have to deal with them. Now, I'm not going to give any example from my own life-I'm sure we all have enough to fill cyberspace tenfold-but I do know that the more I know the more I wish I didn't.

They say ignorance is bliss. Not so, say I. Bliss lives in knowledge. Bliss, as you may choose to define it, comes in any form you choose. Knowing what is right for us and choosing what makes us happy is exactly what creates bliss. My bliss is my family, my girlfriend, and pushing my limits each and every day. I enjoy the feeling of being out of my comfort zone, and I embrace it. It is here where I am most at home. I know that I have this urge and it is with this knowledge that I live in bliss every day. If I were ignorant to this and all things, I would never find what allows me to disconnect from the learning I wish I didn't know about.

This is difficult to follow, but I'll sum it up like this:

Ignorance is bullshit. There's no such thing. Unfortunately/Fortunately, we were given these big ol' brains, skills of communication, and the smarts to use what is around us to make our lives easier. These components of life are both blessings and traits of our downfall. We know full well what is around us. We know both the things we need and we don't need. It's what we choose that make us who we are-though the other stuff still remains elsewhere. We make our own bliss.


So I'm sorry that most of this probably doesn't make any sense. I've not edited this or even re-read it before posting. This is just what's in my head. I may not have done a good job communicating it, so don't hold that against me. Maybe one day soon I'll sit down and make this a bit more consice. Sorry, but hopefully you get what I'm trying to put down. I think the major theme is to enjoy life and make the most of it. Push the limits you have, and never be satisfied with your position. No matter what your station in life, make things happen daily. Don't sit back and relax. Don't be content. Do move forward. Do strive harder. Do what makes you and others around you happy. Live your life because you may not get another.

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Monday, October 13, 2008

American FREAKIN' Zofingen!!!!!

Wow! That's all I can say. What a race. There has to be something to these small, cultish races that just get me. A fantastic, beautiful course, great people, and a wonderful challenge...What else can you ask for?

I have to say that this was by far the toughest race I have ever done. The hills/moutains were something I have never done in training before. Living on Long Island is SUCH a disadvantage when it comes to this race. We have nothing that even comes close to the MOUNTAINS I saw yesterday.

The race started out easy enough with a nice little 5 mile trot through the woods. Easy enough right? Well, after 'dry humping' a car on Tuesday, my knee was throbbing. I knew it was going to be a long day when I came into transition and felt like I just wanted to go home. But I soldiored on, mounted the bike and headed out on the mountonous course.

I have to say that the bike felt too easy. I expected it to feel somewhat easy, as I was not pushing too much because of my injuries, but there was only really one time all day where I felt, 'damn, this is tough'. It was a nice course, consisting of three loops totaling more than 8,000 feet of climbing. However, the beautiful views more than made up for any discomfort I was feeling.

So after the 84 miles on the bike, in which I saw many interesting things (more on that later), it was on to three loops of the 5 mile trail run. The first loop felt like hell. I was cramping like crazy and my legs just couldn't handle the uphills. Now remember, I was not stuggling, my legs were not working. I do not think that I went anerobic the whole day, my body just got tired of moving for 8 plus hours. In a good way, each successive run was easier. I took my time on the first loop, a little faster on the second (although my split didn't show it), and then finally on the last it was pushing it a bit more. I managed to finish in about 8:45.

I have to say that I was pretty happy with the way things turned out. I was looking to go pretty easy for the day, and managed to do just that. Being driven off the road by a car and crashing pretty hard does leave you with a few sore spots. I definatley felt them. However, I managed to do the race, have a good time, and take in some pretty awesome sights during the journey. I was able to ride with some pretty cool dudes and have some kick ass conversations. I'm glad I decided to do the race, injuries and all, and can't wait for next year. Things will hopefully be different then!


So, interesting things I saw on the bike:
1) A couple of bloodthirsty dogs, ready to take my legs off if I was not moving as fast as I was
2) My buddy (just met him that day on the bike-riding for about 20 mins together), John, slumped over a guard rail on the last loop of the bike totally bonking his ass off (I gave him a couple of gels, but don't know if he managed to finish)
3)A car parking directly behind me as I stopped to take a piss on the side of the road-I don't know what they thought I was doing as they pulled up, but I'm sure they figured it out when they saw my 'man' hangin' out of my bike shorts :)
4)Plenty of dead animals. This had to be the worst of all. Not only are they dead, but they give off that 'death' smell. I hate when I'm breathing hard and get a good wiff of that stuff. YUCK!

So all in all, I have to say that it was a great race and a great day. I feel pretty acomplished, and definately pumped for next year's race. Let's hope that next year I don't decide to have a horrible crash the week of the race!

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Race Weekend

So it's finally here! American Zofiningen is tomorrow!!!!! Time to let all the training do the talking.

We went up last week to do some recon work and scout out the run and bike courses of the race. All I can say is that this is gonna be a hell of a race. There are virtually no flat sections on this racecourse. There are some amazing climbs and some sweet, fast decents. All in all should be a long, painful, but accomplish filled day!

The one regret I have going into the race is my bike crash earlier this week. I was really looking forward to racing hard this weekend, and am very concerned that I'll be in pain for most of the day. The crash was this past Tuesday and I have only gotten stiffer and sorer (is that a word?) since. My hand and shoulder are the biggest sources of discomfort, but my knee gave me a little bit of trouble in the last couple runs I've done. I'm gonna soldier through the race, but I'm sure it won't be as fast or fun as it would have been had I not been injured in the crash.

Stay tuned as I will have a full race report coming Sunday night/Monday morning! (Depending on how beat up I am!)

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Friday, October 10, 2008

One of the best things to ever happen to me...

So in reflection, my bike crash was probably the best thing to happen to me on two wheels since...well, ever! Sure I'm banged up, sore, and missing some flesh, but the lesson learned is worth all of that and more. Having never crashed, I used to take a lot of chances out on the road. I had the 'this could never happen to me' outlook, and figured it really never could. Well, I took chances, rode where I probably shouldn't have, and I got tagged for it. Luckily no one was hurt badly, I learned a lesson, and hopefully the driver of the car learned one as well. And...the very next day I went to the bike shop and got one of those oh-so-flashy day-glow bright yellowish green bike jerseys. Sweet Ass!


I need to rant about something that really bothers me here in this space. With the upcoming election and economic crises, we're all on edge a bit. Who really knows where our country is headed, and to be honest this couldn't be a much scarier time. With that said, I'm sick of people forcing their political opinions on me. Look, regardless of your values, beliefs, and morals, we all have the right to vote for who we feel will do the best job. For goodness sake, that's what this country is founded on! Freedom of thought, religion, decision, and whatever else you can think of is why we're all here! Sure we've had our hiccups (don't get me started on slavery and equal rights for ALL men AND WOMEN!), but we must not forget the very basis and foundation of our great country.

With all that said, I truly HATE it when people try to force their political beliefs on me. Who are you to tell me who I should or shouldn't vote for. Am I not an inteligent human being, capapble of making my own decision? Obviously I put my shoes on the correct feet so I must have some level of smarts! Democrat or Republican, you're still a person, and that's the most important part. Sure we're all conservative on some things and liberal on others-that's the beauty of our system. We can all come together, theoretically, and make a decision based on the majority. We decide for ourselves and are allowed to voice that opinion in the form of a simple vote.

So sorry for the rant, but I had to get this off my chest. Don't be the one to force what you think on another person. Sure it's fine to share your opinion if asked to, but simply provide information. I garauntee you, whomever you're talking to will appreciate it, and in the end, you may convince them to see your points more than if you're force-feeding them.

More importantly than anything I just wrote: GO OUT AND VOTE!!!!

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

She's gonna live!!!!

As I know all of you have been on the edge of your seat regarding the condition of my bike (insert cheesy applause/laughter here), here's a quick update as to what she's going through:

The good people (Fred, Darren, and Brian) down at Carl Hart Bicycles - my new favorite shop - have given me the green light to start riding the bike again. After a thorough inspection, they've deemed nothing to be wrong with the structural integrity of the frame. All that was needed was some truing of the wheels and rear derauliur (sp?) adjustment and away I went!

Amazingly, there were no scratches/scrapes on any part of the frame of the bike. It seems that my body took most, if not all, of the impact from the crash. I'm psyched at this as I will definately heal, the bike, and not to mention my wallet, would not have!

Now you may think I'm being materialistic with this and I should be happy that I made it out of this ordeal alive. Well, you're absolutely frickin' right I'm being materialistic! As soon as I could wiggle my hands and little pinky toe, my first thought was for my bike! Actually, come to think of it, I think I was probably thinking of my bike more than my own safety as I crashed. I remember thinking, 'protect the bike...protect the bike...' I know, I'm sick, but hey, these damn carbon bikes ain't cheap!

All in all several good things came about as a result of this crash. I'm safe, sore as hell, but I'm safe. The bike looks and feels fine (I did a forty mile ride today to a)make sure the bike was ok, and b)get back up on the horse) And finally, I hope the dumbass that was driving the car learned that she doesn't own the damned road and to be more careful-there are lives at steak here...LITERALLY!

Thanks for reading.

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Another thought on my crash...

After some more reflection on what happened to me this evening, I've come to two conclusions. First, I'm very concerned about the level of attention drivers pay the road. It seems (in the last two weeks) that things have gotten worse and worse on the road. Sure I've been riding a lot more in those two weeks than just about all of the summer, but I'm still shocked at the level of road rage and ignorance displayed by drivers here on Long Island. It really is true that they hate anyone taking up the road with anything other than a gas guzzling, environment killing SUV.

I just don't get it. As cyclists, we really don't take up all that much room-those of us that are respectful, that is. Of course there are some jackasses out there on bikes, hogging up the road, and making drivers hate us. Listen guys, we appreciate that you feel the need to demonstrate our rights as bikers on the road, but no matter how you cut it, cars will always win.

There just aren't enough of us out here. Either that or people driving on the roads just have no conscience. They could care less if they run us down. As far as their concerned, we don't deserve to share the road with their big bad trucks and cars.

On the second note, I realized I'm definately not invincible. I think because of the fact I had never crashed, I pushed and pushed the limits as if there were none. I really didn't have any idea what it was like to feel the pavement strip your flesh away. Luckily, I got that education tonight and lived to tell the story. My bike however...well that may just be collateral damage.

So that's it. Driver's out here are nuts, and I need to be more careful. Unfortunately the likelyhood of me changing any drivers' opinion is about nil, so I'll work on me. Thank the Lord I'm still here to do that.

Push 'till ya puke (safely)...Always.

Bike Crash

Just got into my first gnarly bike crash. I've been riding for a couple of years and had some close calls, but this was the first. Let's just say I hope it doesn't happen often. To make a long story short, a car failed to yeild right of way, clipped my rear wheel, and I was sent flying off my bike and onto the sidewalk at 35 mph....not to mention the fact that my neck and head stopped me as they struck a signpost. Good times!

Luckily, all this was witnessed by one of Port Jeff's finest, and emergency personel were on the scene immediately. Now the worst part about this wreck was not the ambulance ride; not the bad cuts and bruises; but the fact that this was only the second day I was riding my new bike...

Yesterday I picked up a new Specialized Tarmac, my first real road bike. I put about 80 miles on it between yesterday and today and wanted to get a few more miles in before my last client of the day. Anyway, as you can guess, things did really go to plan.

All in all, I'm a little shaken and a little beat up. Now that I'm ok, I just really want my poor bike to be as well. This being my first true carbon ride, I'm a little worried about cracks. She'll go into the shop tomorrow to get inspected and hopefully pieced back together. She's just too young to go!!! :-(

Well that's all for now, I'll keep the updates going on condition of my bike. Wish her well!!!

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

There are hills and there are mountains...

There are hills and there are mountains. I'll start with the obvious, and then work my way into a sweet metaphor. Ok, so yesterday was 'race course preview day' for a couple training friends and I. A week from today we tackle the American Zofingen long course duathlon in New Paltz, NY. From everything I've heard, both from the website and from people who have raced and trained in that area, this is a kick ass race. Full of great climbs on the bike and technical trails on the run. All in all, a great way to spend a sufffering Sunday.

So we traveled up to New Paltz yesterday to get a feel for the course. Now, I really haven't done much racing and/or training outside of Long Island in my short career in endurance sports, so I'm not sure what to expect as we make the 2hr and change ride up. WOW! That's really all I can say! As we came into town and over to our race site, the only thing I could think as I drove up the massive 'hills' (more like mountains!) was, "Holy sh*t, I'm gonna ride my bike for 84 miles on this?!? What have I gotten myself into?"

The temperature was pretty cool as we pulled into the parkinglot at the trailhead of the run-probably about 42 degrees. Of course I brought the shortest pair of running shorts I own, as well just a t-shirt, so saying I was chilled is an understatement. Anyway, ran one loop of the 5 mile run course. During the race, we will run this loop 4 times total, once before the bike and 3 times after. It was beautiful to say the least. plenty of singletrack, wonderful sights, and just overall peacefullness. While running the only thing I could think was that I never wanted to leave that place. Unbelievable.

So after getting 'lost' for a bit on the trail (and compiling more like 7 miles rather than five-all the while taking in some gorgeous views) we got back to the lot and got the bike stuff ready. Ok, back to the hills and mountains thing. I learned yesterday that Long Island is absolutely FLAT AS A PANCAKE! Yeah there are some pimples we call hills, but nothing at all like New Paltz. These are frickin' mountains! We talking climbs that go on for miles and miles. I love it!!!! It's so amazing to get to the top of a climb, your quads burning, lungs screaming, sweat pouring down your nose, and see the wonderful view from the top. All that work getting to the top to be rewarded by the view...that's really all I needed. Simple. Gorgeous. What more could you ask for?

All in all we did one loop of each course. On race day it will one loop of the run, three of the bike (84 mi), and then another three loops of the run (15 mi). I'm scared but pumped at the same time.

On another note, I'm definately using my new Specialized Tarmac road bike for the race. Riding my tri bike was a little scary on the decents. I'm sure it's a little faster, but I just don't have the control I'd like to at 50mph. I think it's important to finish the race with clean shorts and in one piece.

Now back to the metaphor. On the bike yesterday I had a lot of time to think about hills and mountains and life. The obvious would be that hills and moutains represent obstacles in our lives. Hills being the small, easy to overcome problems that arise-Mountains being the large, seemingly impossible problems. But I think there's something deeper here. For this race, I've trained in the hills. Sure I've busted my ass, sweating and grunting my way up in the beginning, only to conquer what I onced feard (the hills that is). The mountains have given me a new purpose and a new drive. I'm not intimidated by them, just calmly interested in their pursuit. The hairs on the back of my neck are up, my senses are hightened, and I'm ready for the fight. The mountains look to me now like the hills once did-scary, painful, and almost undoable. But I've conquered the hills. They've beat me down, but each time I've come back for more. I continue to show up, each time knowing full well what I'm in for-but I'm still there. Mountains will become hills one day, and I'll be standing at the top.

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Punk Ass B*tches!!!!!

Ok, so now that I've calmed down, I can write this like the intelligent, rational, human being I am. Had this been a couple of hours ago, this would have been a swear-laden, x-rated post, bound to turn away any of the loyal readership I've collected. So here is the PG version of what happened to me out on a bike ride today:

So this afternoon, as planned, I headed out for a nice hilly 3 hour ride. The weather here has been pretty muggy and rainy, but today the weather turned cool and the sun was out-perfect for riding. So I finish my morning clients by twelve, take a quick nap, get on my gear and head out the door on the bike. The first twenty mile or so were nothing short of super. Cool air, no traffic, and plenty of nice rolling hills. Until it hit me-literally! Coming up one of my favorite climbs (I dare to call it a climb as it only goes on for about 2 and 1/2 miles-you guys in Colorado and California are probably laughing at me right now:-) ), I was hit in the side of the head with eggs and a cup of coke from a passing car! WTF!!!!???? All over my back and the side of my face were sticky cola and egg yolk! Not to mention my poor Cervelo! My dear sweet bike had this sh*t all over it!

Now I'll get to the part that pisses me off, but first a little history about yours truly. When I was in highschool, I was TERRIFIED of any physical interaction. I would go out of my way to avoid anyone even being mildly agitated at me. I was a little fat, porky kid, afraid of his own shadow. Then I found sports, namely ice hockey and lacrosse, that made a tough guy out of me. From There it was on to college, where I played lacrosse and found a job bouncing at one of the local bars near campus. This is where I got my first taste of fighting. Basically I learned that it doesn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it did to take a punch to the face. After college, I got into Brazillian Jiu Jitsu, boxing, and Mixed Martial Arts (Ultimate Fighting). And guess what? Not only did I really start to like fighting, but I found I was actually pretty good at it!

Ok, so I tell you all this to get to my point. Do I condone fighting? No. If it's in a ring and for sport, I think there is no purer compitition. However, in the street, it's one of the dumbest things you can do. In just about every situation, there's a way around it-except for this one! Getting cheap shotted, whether by an egg and a soda, a fist, or whatever, is clear grounds for throwing down. If you hit me when I'm not looking, you better be ready to throw hands with me, otherwise, I have no respect for you, or the punks you're rolling with.

So these douchebags in the car that threw stuff at me are the true definition of Punk Ass B*tches. As they drove off, I screamed for them to come back. At least give me the respect to come back and fight me. I have no problem getting my hands dirty every now and then, especially, as I said before, if I'm cheap shotted. So to me, they are (excuse the language) pussies of the highest order.

There are two very definate realities you have to face when you cheap shot someone:
1) Are you sure your ready to fight? and
2) Do you know how to fight? Because I do and if you and your friends don't, it's really not going to end well for you.

Ok, enough said about the worlds biggest va-j-j's. Sorry for the derogitory term, but that's just how I'm feeling right now. I told you this is the PG version, not the G version. So anyway, the rest of the ride was great. With my new-found anger, I was able to fight the fatigue from yesterday in my legs and really get some good miles in. The only bad part was the egg smell, but hey, it can't all be daisy's and daffodills now can it?

Ok, I'm off to finish up with my last client.

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Another Monday...

Most of the time I work so much I have no idea what day it is. I literally would still have no idea if it weren't for my Trio. That thing is more than just a phone, it's my life! All kidding aside, my clients have called it my Holy Grail, and I can't say that they're wrong. Today, however, DEFINATELY felt like a freakin' Monday though!

I have been tired and cranky all day. No reason whatsoever, just tired and cranky. I didn't sleep very well the night before, but let's face it, I never sleep very well. I thought I might excercise to get rid of some of the cobwebs between clients, but that got me no where. So I went about my day, seeing some clients, being cranky, and probably-unfortunately-showing it.

On a good note, though, I did have a great training day. I did a killer session on the indoor trainer, hammering my legs into oblivion for an hour and a half with some of the hardest intervals I've ever done. Then it was out for a run, again hammering my legs with some hard pickups and finishing with eight 400's, all under a minute. Then, as if that weren't enough, I headed back out on the bike to ride in the hills for another hour and a half. Everything today was at a pretty uncomfortable pace, making me feel pretty beat up and wasted for a long ride tomorrow. Something about the suffering really gets me going.

So after all this shinanigans (love that word!) it was off to see my favorite girl in all the world. Now this, by far is the best part of the day. Just sittin' back, relaxin', and watchin some quality TV. You really know you love and enjoy someone when you can be comfortable in any situation with them. Kristen and I love to go out dancing and partying, but we're just as comfotable having a quiet evening together doing next to nothing. I'm such a lucky guy!

Ok, so that's it for today. I'm about to head off to bed, but the damned new channel I just found on TV is killin' me! If you have it availible, I really, really, really suggest you watch Universal sports. I believe it's one of NBC's channels, but it has all the cycling, track and field, and TRIATHLON events that we usually don't see in this country! Right now they're replaying some of the Summer Olympics-which I'm a total sucker for! Really, it doesn't matter if it's water polo, handball, basketball, fencing, anything! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Olympics!

So as I go, enjoy your life because it's just too short not to!

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Late night post

Just got home from Kristen's. We spent a lovely evening together, eatin' dinner, watchin' tv, and generally relaxin'. The plan was to hit the town for a night of dancing and drinking. We haven't gone in a while and it'll be at least another week before we get to do so. We're both a little under the weather so I'm sure it was better to stay in than to go out. Either way, a night spent with her is fantastic, whether it's dancing or just sitting around.

The day was a pretty boring one, just mostly laying around as the weather is pretty crappy here. Lots of rain and clouds for the past couple of days. The forecast says it's going to stay this way for a couple more days, but it looks like we're getting a little break.

Ok, just a quickie tonight, I have to wake up for a client and a running clinic I'm putting on tomorrow at the local high school. Should be fun even though technically it's working on a Sunday! Plus, I get to have a nice brunch with Kristen and her fam shortly after! Nothing like good food on a Sunday morning before the football begins!

Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Keeping up...

So I'm posting today-or tonight rather-just to keep up with my writing. I actually don't have much to talk about right now, other than the fact that today has been super long! I woke up for work nearly 24 hours ago, and have not stopped moving since. There were clients all morning, shopping in the afternoon, and then happy hour with friends and cooking my chili with Kristen at night.

Training-wise, not much was accomplished today. I'm still getting over being a bit sick, so I guess the four mile run with a client and hill repeats will do for today. I did feel awesome in training today, which seems to be the theme of the limited training I've done this week. My legs feel super fresh and my mind is in a good place.

Dinner was good and the chili didn't come out half bad. It was the first effort of the season, so I think I'll only get better as the weather gets colder! There's nothing better than a nice bowl of warm chili as the days get shorter and cooler! Live for the chili!

So that's about it for today...nothing too special to note. Just the same ole' stuff going on. This weekend should be nice, with some good rest and hopefully some decent training sessions mixed in. Like I've learned in about all aspects of my life, success is about consistency. If you don't show up everyday, someone else will, and they will beat you! I like that. Not someone else beating me, but showing up everyday. It really makes you accountable for your own success. Ok, off to bed!

Push 'till ya puke...Always

Thursday, September 25, 2008


So what I thought was going to be a little head cold has now floored me for the better part of this afternoon. As mentioned yesterday, I dragged myself on a bike ride-which at the time felt great, one of the best this season-that I believe set me back a bit. Now, I usually never get sick, so attacting this little 'head cold' and knowing if it's ok to train are foreign to me. I've heard that when the symptoms are above the head, it's ok to train. No freakin' way! I think that simple bike really put me behind the eight ball for today.

Fortunately, I really didn't miss much training. I had an easy run planned for today, and I could probably use the rest as I've had a tough week at work and haven't slept well in days. It's not a major lost day and it was nice to spend my afternoon loungin around the house with Lucki Dog, my Jack Russell.

I'm still a bit hot about the whole ordeal at my high school. It just really hits home and bothers the hell out of me. When did this become commonplace? It seems like ever since the tragedy at Columbine, kids have felt that violence was an acceptable outlet. Who's to blame for this? I think the answer to that is so vast its unapproachable. There's the media, the television, the newspapers, the internet, the kids (yes, the kids), the parents, and so on and so fourth. Further, I believe that people make excuses for kids-whether they're right or wrong. No one puts their foot down and either assigns blame or takes blame. I'm guilty of it and probably so are you. We're all so politically correct we've forgotten what it is to have an opinion! Opinions are the old assholes-political correctness has found it's way to the top.

Sorry for the rant, but,, I'm not sorry. Ha! There's a prime example of political correctness creeping its way into the world. I'm not sorry for writing my opinion. Remember, if anyone says you're wrong for your ideas, THEY'RE WRONG!

Ok, off the soapbox. So anyway, today was a wash on the training front, and just about all others for that matter. I had fun at work, as always, but it definately was work to get through my day. It is great, however, to work off of the energy of my clients. They pick me up, I pick them up, and sometimes we pick each other up. It's just a great business for that. I really can't see myself doing anything else right now. I only want to take it to the highest level it can be. I've heard it said that if you find yourself being the best at any particular thing, you'll be a rich man. That is certainly true, but the level of wealth varies. For some it will result directly in money, for some fulfillment, and for some others a balance of both. I definately find myself in the third category. I'm happy, I'm fulfilled, and I'm paying my bills. And, importantly, I can take my girl out for dinner and away for a weekend from time to time! Not bad for right now.

Ok, time to hunker down here on the east coast as we prepare to get smacked accross the face with a Nor'easter tonight. I love this weather!

Push 'till ya puke....Always

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Chowda, Orange Juice, New Kids on the Block, and The Stony Brook School

So I'm sick today. Just a headcold, but I'm really a wimp when I get sick. I guess it's because I really NEVER get sick. Honestly, I can't remember the last time...honestly. But, alas, here's this freakin' headcold, killing me slowly.

So the day started out well. Worked my butt off (all the while thinking how much I love my job and the people I work with), had some breakfast, worked some more, and then some more. Got a nap in the middle of the day, for a whole 20 minutes, but nonetheless a nap, trained another client, and draged my sorry ass onto my bike for a ride with a buddy.

We did about 45 miles on the bike I think. I've done away with my bike computor as I find I only wind up racing myself in training when I should be coolin' it. Either way, today was just an easy ride, pushing it a little on the hills, but nothing more. I actually felt pretty good when I got back home, so I did some yoga before hoppin' in the shower.

Then came the congestion, headache, and sore throat. All back at the same time like I had a freakin' party goin' on in my head and they were all there for the hot girls. Only problem, no hot girls and I felt like crap. So after the shower it was back to the kitchen where I inhaled some chowda and orange juice. Don't ask, it was just what I was craving. Maybe I'm pregnant? Next thing you know I'll be all over the ice cream and pickles.

So anyway, I'm feeling like poop and I'm sure my writing is showing it (I told you I was a crybaby when it comes to being sick). So before I kill you with any more bad analogies, I'm gonna hit the bed early.

Oh, but two more things before I go! I almost forgot. My beautiful girlfriend is spending this wonderful evening with 5 guys who are more famous and richer than I am. No, she's not the newest bachelorette, she's at a New Kids On the Block concert. That's right NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!!!!!!!! First of all, I'm shocked that they're all still alive! And second, shouldn't they work on a new name? New Kids???? I think Old Men Around the Corner is more appropriate. I hope the show doesn't go to late, I wouldn't want them to miss their "stories" on the television tonight. Ok, no more hating. But seriously, NKOTB??? And the worst part is, Kristen loves Danny! Danny!? What the hell? He looks like a monkey! I mean, really?

Ok, so the second thing I wanted to get to is a bit more serious. Here on Long Island, I had the privilage of going to a pretty exclusive private college prep school. There were certain things I hated about it, espcially when I was a teenaged fat kid getting made fun of, and many more things I came to appreciate about it after I grew up a bit. I honestly can say that my entire education was based on that place. I really didn't learn a damn thing in college (except some things that I'm not going to mention here!)

So, with great regret last night, I learned that one of the recent graduates from the class of '08 had a 'hit list' of kids and faculty. Apparently, he intended on killing certain members of the school's community. This is all very shocking because of the way I remember the place. When I graduated, I was one in a class of 65 and an entire student body of about 315. It was a small, and tight knit community.

As this event has settled in my head, it has brought two things to my attention. First, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE. Unfortunately, our world has come to this. No place is immune. Technology has made this world smaller than ever, and these are some of the unfortunate side effects. Second, I beg the question, and pardon my French, 'What the fuck is going on!?' When did bullying become such an epidemic? And when the hell did killing someone become the ultimate remedy? Sure, we've all been made fun of. We've all, at one point or another been kicked around. But does it mean we have to kill our tormentors? As I've said before, anything I've learned worth learning has been aquired from adversity. Sometimes you have to get beat around before you become the person you'll be. And almost everytime, you're better for having gone through the trials and tribulations.

Ok, 'nuff said. Push 'till ya puke...Always.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Another good day in the books. Not much exciting action today, just work, work, and a tid bit of running, stretching, and core work. Not much sleep last night, but for a good reason as I spent the night with Kristen. We, and by 'we' I mean she, made garlic shrimp and pasta-my favorite meal! Then we watched our Jets get trounced by the Chargers. VERY disappointing! I'm not gonna go into it, but I have to say that being a Jets fan for so long has severly deconditioned me to rooting for a loosing team. With the Jets, NOTHING suprises me any more. Last night was just another game for the Jets, the same team that sold its soul to the devil for that one Super Bowl Championship.

Moving forward, I'm still 'in the zone' with work, and things are only getting better. As I mentioned earlier this week, putting my heart and soul into my business has really turned things around for me. I've always been good at what I do, but now I believe I'm at another level. To my clients: Get ready because things are only gonna get better and better! Expect to hear from me in the form of a bi-weekly newsletter coming soon!

I'm moving in the right direction in a lot of aspects of my life. I can't say that I'm used to this feeling as it has not happened often. I think I've been a f*ck up for most of my life and I'm really ready this time to turn things around. I'm happy and motivated. That's a tough combination to stop!

Push 'till ya puke...Always.