Training....

I went for a run with the Port Jefferson Road Runners today. We ran for about 2 hours in the hills on the North Shore of Long island. We held a pretty good pace and worked in some stairway repeats toward the middle of the run. There is a gnarly set of stairs that run up a cliff overlooking the Long Island Sound that we use for training. And when I say gnarly, I mean it. These things are about as old as time. I'm suprised no one has fallen through a step yet!

I would have to say that overall I felt pretty good, especially the day after a race. I'm happy that my fitness is starting to come together and my climbing is really getting strong-all those hill repeats are really starting to make a difference. Today was a great training day, and a victory for my fitness!

On another note:

Do you ever wonder what makes people tick? And why one person's make up is so different than another? I have someone in my life very close to me that suffers from bi polar disorder. For my entire life with this person, I've had to adjust my behavior around them so much to the point that it makes me question, at times, who I really am. When you spend your whole life catering to the actions of another, it really takes a toll on you emotionally-one that you may not even recognize until years have passed.

It's a very tight rope that you walk when you live with a bi polar person. Some days are fine and dandy, and then suddenly everything switches on a dime. You leave to go to the store and they're feeling happy and you leave them smiling. Then you come home a half hour later to discover that you have started World War III.

At times this makes me cry. But why is that? Is it because I feel sorry for them? Or do I feel sorry for myself? These are the questions that have tormented me for a lifetime. I'm always second guessing myself around them. And because this person means so much to me I have trouble with decisions that would otherwise seem normal and easy to other people. I guess in the end my troubles stem from the fact that I know who I am in the world with everyone else, but do I really know who I am with one of the closest people in the world to me. I hope I can find that person.

I love you Mom.